Have you ever felt like you *should* be able to do something you just can't? I've done it so many times...
~~ "I *shouldn't* be this tired. I slept 10 hours last night."
~~ "Other moms have more to deal with than I do and they seem fine."
~~ "There is no reason my jaw should be hurting. I'm probably over reacting."
~~ "The pain in my hip is gone already. I *should* have just ignored it."
~~ "I haven't been eating healthy enough. If I did that, I would have more energy."
~~ "I *should* find a way to work out more. I bet that would help."
~~ "Am I just lazy?"
I have "should"ed and second (and third and fourth...) guessed myself so many times over the years since I started dealing with Fibro symptoms. For a long time I didn't want to talk to anyone about how I felt because I was sure they would have the same judgments. When I finally opened up to my mom friends in October, 2009, they supported me. They told me that I was not crazy. They told me what I was feeling was abnormal. Why did I need someone else to tell me that? Because I was setting unrealistic expectations on myself and beating myself up for not meeting them.
But, I would never criticize my friend for not meeting the same expectations. I would be caring, sympathetic and reassuring. Why are we so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else? That is something I've been trying to change.
My takeaway lessons for the day:
**** I need to be kinder to myself. I deserve to be treated the same way I would treat my friend.
**** I need to give myself more credit for the fact that I am dealing with Fibromyalgia and I'm still getting up and living my life the best that I can each day.
**** I'm allowed to feel whatever I feel - pain, fatigue, frustration, pride, strength - I don't have to question whether my feelings are valid or real.
**** I need to stop saying the word SHOULD!
**** I am NOT a wuss! I'm pretty tough! (And I'm willing to bet you are too!!!)
