I am NOT a Wuss!

My husband wasn't feeling well last night or this morning. When I asked if he was going to work, he answered, "Yes, because I know this wouldn't stop you." I have to admit, his answer felt pretty good. It was an unexpected validation that I'm not a hypochondriac who takes advantage of my illness. Maybe I'm handling all of this alright after all. That sense of validation started me thinking.

Have you ever felt like you *should* be able to do something you just can't? I've done it so many times...

~~ "I *shouldn't* be this tired. I slept 10 hours last night."
~~ "Other moms have more to deal with than I do and they seem fine."
~~ "There is no reason my jaw should be hurting. I'm probably over reacting."
~~ "The pain in my hip is gone already. I *should* have just ignored it."
~~ "I haven't been eating healthy enough. If I did that, I would have more energy."
~~ "I *should* find a way to work out more. I bet that would help."
~~ "Am I just lazy?"

I have "should"ed and second (and third and fourth...) guessed myself so many times over the years since I started dealing with Fibro symptoms. For a long time I didn't want to talk to anyone about how I felt because I was sure they would have the same judgments. When I finally opened up to my mom friends in October, 2009, they supported me. They told me that I was not crazy. They told me what I was feeling was abnormal. Why did I need someone else to tell me that?  Because I was setting unrealistic expectations on myself and beating myself up for not meeting them.

But, I would never criticize my friend for not meeting the same expectations. I would be caring, sympathetic and reassuring. Why are we so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else? That is something I've been trying to change.

My takeaway lessons for the day:
**** I need to be kinder to myself. I deserve to be treated the same way I would treat my friend.
**** I need to give myself more credit for the fact that I am dealing with Fibromyalgia and I'm still getting up and living my life the best that I can each day.
**** I'm allowed to feel whatever I feel - pain, fatigue, frustration, pride, strength - I don't have to question whether my feelings are valid or real.
**** I need to stop saying the word SHOULD!
**** I am NOT a wuss! I'm pretty tough! (And I'm willing to bet you are too!!!)

Energy Management

The absolute MOST frustrating aspect of Fibromyalgia for me has been the roller coaster of energy. I have been known to crash out of virtually nowhere.  Randomly, I awake completely exhausted and immediately fall back to sleep for hours. Even after the extra hours of sleep, my body will feel like a load of bricks.


Other days (like today), I know I've earned it. (In other words, please excuse writing quality today! lol). I planned an epic end of summer fun day for my kids and their friends yesterday before we start homeschooling next Tuesday and I'm paying for it today. It was just too much activity and a long day. I don't regret it, though. I WANT to be able to give my kids a really awesome day occasionally, even if that means I have to pay for it later. The alternative is missing out on life and I refuse to give Fibro that power over my life or my kids' childhood!

I've learned over the years to plan accordingly. Active days must be followed by a clear day on the calendar. I have to be careful on days I feel particularly energetic, because if I overdo it with activities or chores, I will have to pay the next day. I have become adept at monitoring my energy bank account being very careful not to overdraw when I can't afford to replenish the next day.

There is a really great explanation of this concept in an essay called The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino on her blog But You Don't Look Sick. The general concept is that energy is like currency. Those who don't suffer issues like ours have a nearly unlimited supply of "spoons", but those of us with chronic illness have a wildly varying number available depending on the day. On some days, it can take almost all of our spoons just to get dressed, making us have to ration the remaining spoons carefully over the rest of the day. Today my remaining spoons were used to take care of my kids, meaning I haven't even eaten. I don't even have enough spoons to think about what I want to eat, let alone make it happen.


Extreme fatigue was one of the very first symptoms. It began when I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school. Starting in early December, I was so tired that I could barely go to school. My doctors were convinced I had mono and put me on bed rest. I didn't go to school the entire month of December. My parents pulled out the sofa bed in the family room so I could rest and watch TV. Prior to that month, I was a very active kid who was always on the go. Staying in bed for the entire day was very out of character for me. Over the next 3-4 months, I attended school when I could, but usually required 18 hours of sleep the next day to recover. We saw specialist after specialist (all of whom tested me for mono), but they never figured out the issue. The following April, it went away as quickly as it appeared.

In the years since, my energy has had periodic drops in energy. It got pretty bad after the birth of my first child and it took me several years to heal, which was just in time for me to have another child. My energy has become progressively more consistent in the 7 years since then. There was a time in my life where I was in a constant state of fatigue.  I'm so grateful that the drastic drops only come occasionally these days.

But when they happen, I feel utterly and completely empty... 

I'm working out again!

Believe it or not, I'm on a workout high! I've worked out for 21 of the last 28 days! It has been years since I was able to work out that consistently without causing a Fibro Flare! Why now!? I have a few theories about what is different in my body today.

Healing 

I'm sure that I am consistently healing from the years of damage done by eating foods that were bad for ME (not everyone, but me). Especially gluten, but also food additives and other chemicals. It is really worth the time and effort to figure out what food or chemical intolerances you may have.

Hormones 

I had a hormone profile done several months ago that showed my testosterone levels were undetectable. I've been working on increasing my levels with natural methods and bioidentical hormones for about 3 months now. In those 3 months, I have gained 7 pounds of muscle! Testosterone helps women build muscle. Working out breaks down muscle so your body can rebuild even stronger. That is a much more difficult job when you have no testosterone. Recovery from a workout takes longer and more energy - resulting in a lot of pain and fatigue. Now when I work out, I have "normal" soreness, not Fibro soreness. I can tolerate normal, but Fibro soreness is in a whole different league.

Want a safe, easy way to start raising your testosterone RIGHT NOW?

Watch this video: Anna Cuddy's Ted Talk: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are

The Workout

I also think the workout I've chosen is helping make it possible to keep going. I'm doing the PiYo workout from Beachbody, which is a combination of Pilates and Yoga. I love it for several reasons. For one thing, the modifications in the video are actually DOABLE by those of us who are not strong or athletic! I've tried video workouts before and even the modified exercises were too difficult. This left me discouraged and frustrated - in other words, not real motivated to come back for more! Not so in PiYo! Also, it is low impact and works only with your body weight. No need to have extra equipment, no pain from jumping and it doesn't have me twisting my body in ways that just hurt when you have Fibromyalgia joint pain. I also like that it has variety and a progression of workouts that get harder as you get stronger. Click here if you want to learn more about PiYo!

Will It Last?!?!?!

The only predictable thing about Fibro is that it is completely unpredictable. I can't guarantee that next week or next month I won't be in bed again. But while I have the chance to improve my body, I will take it! I'll definitely be reporting back about the changes in my overall strength and muscle as I continue working through the program!  Wish me luck!